Heat & Light

Have you ever noticed that so many conversations generate more heat than light? When it’s over, all it produced was lot of emotion but very little change?

See, it’s not just that we see things differently, though that will always be the case. Believe it or not, at times different perspectives can actually be a good thing if they’re expressed right. But lately I have become convinced it has less to do with what we’ve been saying and more to do with how we’ve been saying it.

No matter where you fall on the issues of our day, if you want the other person to actually hear you, here are three things to remember:

1) “Speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15)

If you are all truth and no love, no one will listen. If you are all love and no truth, it won’t matter what you say anyways. Paul reminds us that if we have not love, all we are is a clanging cymbal, and to be honest with you it seems pretty noisy these days on social media and around the dinner table.

2) Make it your goal to win the person not win the argument.

There is a funny thing that happens when we get defensive. Apparently the logic centre of our brains shuts off, and the emotional centre lights up like a Christmas tree. If that doesn’t explain most arguments I’ve ever been in, I don’t know what does. Remember, that your goal is to win the person, not the debate.

3) Pray first, speak later.

It seems to me that if we aren’t ready to pray for someone, we aren’t ready to engage with them on a tough issue. I know how easy it is to load your gun figuratively speaking, and walk into an argument when you’re frustrated. But the chances of that interaction producing any real change are next to nothing. Jesus called us to “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Think about that for a second.

What if it was our love not our logic that actually changes hearts?